A lot a bit of venting....

Well, let's see here...New Years was uneventful, I think I
feel asleep on the couch around 10:30pm and slept till hubby
woke me up at midnight to kiss me and tell me happy new
years and then it was right back to sleep. I feel so
exhausted all the time no matter how much sleep I get. My
friend told me last week that she thinks I am over doing it
all, that I need to relax and not do so much with work and
around the house, that I should be asking other people to
help and do things for me. I would like to relax, believe
me. Part of me is even hoping for bed rest in the future
just so I can get a break from work, but like I told her, I
can't just come home to dirty dishes and a messy house and
sit down on the couch for the night and relax. It's like an
impulse in my brain that tells me to take care of the
cleaning and such before relaxing at all.

I thought that I was okay with twins, until this morning
when Dan informed me that he is only taking a week off work.
I freaked out! A WEEK?! Really?? Your just gonna go back to
midnights and leave me home with two infants and a 4 year
old to fend for myself for the night? I thought he was
taking all his vacation time, so I thought I had AT LEAST 2
weeks of him helping me get a schedule down, but I guess
not! All the sudden I'm so scared about having twins by
myself at night, I could just cry! I'm sure it will work out
and everything will be fine, but I'm just exhausted mentally
and physically at this point and I'm only 14 weeks! I'm
screwed once I get further along and I'm carrying more weight.

I know I shouldn't want bed rest, I know that. But honestly,
I really wouldn't mind it at some point just to get a break
from everything. I really think that Dan doesn't understand
what I am going through at this point, and apparently
neither do any of my co-workers for that matter. My boss
still has not hired anyone to replace the girl that left in
August, which means I am still by myself in the office 90%
of the day. Normally I would be fine with it, but right now
it really blows. Getting up every so often to wait on
customers....sit down, stand up, sit down stand up, sit
down....I was actually considering moving up to the cashier
desk but there is no hook up for the computer up there to do
the rest of my actual job so it won't work out. If I have to
use the bathroom, I have to call someone to come back to the
office and cover for me, which sucks because every other
person in the building gets to just go when they need to.
That situation also doesn't help on the days when I'm
feeling ill, which is basically everyday, because it's never
instantly that the person comes back it usually takes a
minute or 10 for them to show up. And since I am the only
one willing to close EVERY night that means I can't leave
early when I don't feel good or call in when I'm not feeling
well.I just sometimes hate it when it seems like no one here
cares what I am going through. Dan on the other doesn't seem
to get it either that I can't do it all by myself anymore. A
little help around the house would be nice for a change,
instead he sits home during the day with Taylor and plays
his video games and plays with her, but he doesn't bother to
pick up the mess in the living room before he goes to bed,
he doesn't bother to maybe make dinner before he goes to bed
so that when I get home at 7:30-8pm I don't have to worry
about running around making it while doing everything
else...ugh! Sorry for the vent, I'm just frustrated!

On to a better note, I have another Dr appointment in the
morning, which I am so excited for. If all goes well we
might be able to tell if they are boys girls or a combo of
the two. I'm also a bit anxious, I kind of didn't feel right
a couple of nights ago so being able to see them and see if
they are okay in there will be a relief! I can't wait till I
can feel them moving and then I will be able to reassure
myself that way that things are fine! Well I suppose I
should get off here for now and get back to work, now that I
have had my vent for the day!